Discussion

{DISCUSSION} Love at First Sight

Melanie Noell Bernard

discussion

Do you believe in Love at First Sight?

This may seem like a silly question and an even sillier discussion topic, but it popped into my head the other day. (and as I’m struggling for post ideas, I decided to throw it out there to see what others thought about it.) Additionally, it’s a very big topic of debate within YA fiction. So, we’re gonna talk about it. Okay? Okay.

The Inspiration

Now, the first thing you must understand is where the idea of love at first sight comes from. Well, fiction of course! We see love and first sight stories throughout the ages and across cultures. One of the most classic, well-known stories of love at first sight is Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. (and don’t try to tell me it ain’t!)

Romeo sees Juliet at a dance and falls madly in love with her without having spoken a word to her and having, just moments before, been madly in love with Rosalie. Juliet, in return, falls madly in love with Romeo upon seeing him. And the two are willing to die over their love (when they’ve literally only known each other for like… two days and have spoken about as much as Cinderella and Prince Charming. -.- )

Misconstrued

It’s because of these stories that I wonder at the validity of love at first sight. After all, what is love? It’s an irrational, chemical bond we feel with someone that causes us to give up our own lives and well-being for the ones we love. And it’s great! Don’t get me wrong! Love is wonderful, but it is important to note that there is a difference between love and lust.

And, to me, it would seem love at first sight has more to deal with lust than love. After all, how does one love someone they do not know? How can they fall in love with someone with whom they’ve never spoken a single word nor even seen them interact? They simply ‘love’ them based on the fact that they are gorgeous.

Oh! And they don’t fall in love with ugly people. Love at first sight is never brought up with non-dropdead-gorgeous people. -.-

Forcing Love

Thus, it would seem that there may not be such a thing as love at first sight. There is most definitely lust at first sight. YA fiction is a big proponent of lust at first sight, but they don’t see it that way. YA’s problem is their constant attempts to emulate love at first sight ala Romeo and Juliet. The problem with that? Well, besides the fact that Romeo & Juliet were all of like… 13 and 14 years old and literally both died because they’re a couple of teenage idiots…

None of YA these relationships are real.

When YA authors start a book wanting two characters to fall in love, they often force it into their own story. As a result, it feels forced to the reader. Mostly this happens because many of the authors never take the time to develop the relationship, but base it rather on the characters’ deep physical attraction for the other character (yay raging teen hormones!) The two characters (of whatever genders they may be) end up wanting to die for the other simply because they mistook their overflowing hormones as love.

Wait. Haven’t we seen this before?
…didn’t those two…
die… or something? -.-

But this is just my opinion. Perhaps someone can prove me wrong. Perhaps someone knows more than I do about love at first sight and wants to share their thoughts in the comments below? Hmm? (Please share your comments! so I’m not just standing on a soapbox! :p )

And check out my discussion from last week:
“Santa or not to Santa“

44 thoughts on “{DISCUSSION} Love at First Sight”

  2. Very interesting article. Of course yes. There is a great big difference between love and lust and yes I too find it hard to think how two completely strangers can fall in love at first sight. But then again just like you, it is my way of thinking. As I have simply no clue what, “Love at first sight means” Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I find them very interesting and educative. All the best and Love and Light from me. God Bless 🙂 ❤

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  6. Not a fan of “love at first sight” stuff. IRL, it’s more of a lust at first sight, or romantic-curiosity-at-first-sight. Love takes a bit more time and getting to know a person.
    Someone whose advice I value told me that love is a decision. I agree with that, because as you’ve said above it’s complex.
    Btw, thanks for your takedown of Romeo and Juliet… I’ve thought the same ever since I first read it in high school (one of the few class texts I really disliked)!

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    1. Haha! I disliked many, many class texts. :p And you’re absolutely welcome. I know a lot of people do not like R&J and I really only like it for the monologues. Hee hee!

      Thank you for sharing your opinion and suggesting that love is a decision. The question becomes, is it a conscious or subconscious decision because you often hear it referred to as ‘falling in love’?

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  7. Interesting blog post and I agree with you. I had never really thought of it that way and I quite like the concept of love at first sight in books. But I agree that it is more lust at first sight rather than love. How can you truly love someone who you have only known for a few days/hours?
    I met my husband online about 20 years ago when the internet was in its infancy. We chatted on IRC for a few months before we met “in real life”. I fell in love with him the first day we met, but as you pointed out in your comment above, we had already established an emotional connection, so yes, it was love at first sight (as it was the first time I saw him), but we weren’t strangers.

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    1. Thank you for commenting!

      My biggest problem with its portrayal in fiction is the fake quality with which it comes across. Often times the characters don’t mesh, but the writer forces them together because of true love and I just can’t buy it. So, it feels wrong and puts a bad taste in my mouth. :/

      Question: Had you seen pictures of your husband before having met? Because I’m curious as to what role pictures take in love at first sight.

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      1. No, J had not seen a picture of my husband before meeting him. This was before smart phones, I didn’t even have an internet connection at home. We agreed to meet at a cafe, he was supposed to wear a red jacket and I a black dress. Luckily we were both not freaks ;-).

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  8. Great post! LMAO at Romeo & Juliet = teenage idiots. So irreverent and true. Yep, lust at first sight is real. A DESIRE for true love is real. Admiration and curiosity at first sight, yep, those are real too. But love is more complex. I totally agree it’s the kind of thing that YA writers need to do a better job of developing in a realistic way.

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    1. Hee hee! You know me. Completely and totally blunt about unpopular opinions. :p

      Complex. That is the perfect way to describe love because it really is complex. It’s more than just a glance, a look, whatever. It’s a deep-rooted emotion that builds upon itself and, while it can be faster for some than others, it’s not instantaneous.

      Thanks for commenting, Eve!

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  9. I absolutely agree with you — there is no such thing as real love at first sight. It actually being lust and teenager’s hormones confusing the feelings? YES. EVERY DAY. 😂 I also think it can have a lot to do with parents saying “that’s not love” and a teenager’s need to believe the opposite of everything their parent says. (I have tweens at home, I’ve got some experience there. Lol)

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    1. Haha! Thank you for sharing, Holly! I had not thought about the teenagers believing the exact opposite of the parents, but that makes total sense. No doubt that had some role in Romeo & Juliet, as well, given that their houses were sworn enemies. :p

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  10. Pssht…. Like you said, love at first sight is really just lust and physical attraction. Though, I will say that meeting my husband was the closest I’ve ever felt to it.

    We had been chatting online for a couple weeks already before we met in person, so he wasn’t a complete stranger. Right after our first date, I cut ties with the online dating world because I had that instant attraction to him. Granted, he also took me out for ice cream and a walking tour, so that could have done it as well 🙂

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    1. See, and you guys talked first before ever meeting. I’m not entirely sure that would count as love at first sight because you likely had already been growing an emotional attachment through your various messages. So, yours is more squarely in the realm of time-developed attraction and love. ^.^

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    1. If that’s the case, then explain to me Romeo and Juliet. They only had three days before they killed themselves over their supposed love at first sight. How long does hindsight need?

      And I know of some people who will admit they grew to love their significant other over time. Though, perhaps that could depend more on how easily one grows an attachment to others. I dunno. :/

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        1. I think author’s write it because they’re too lazy to actually build up the relationship between two characters, particularly in YA. After all, YA books are often shorter than adult books, thus leaving less room for character development. Not only that, but too many authors go into a book/series shipping two of their own characters when the two characters really might not be as compatible as they think. Thus, the relationship is too fast and feels forced. :/

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          1. Also likely true, but I don’t read YA so I wouldn’t know. I DO read standard romance novels (don’t look at me like that) when the mood strikes. You see it there too, which was what I was referencing.

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    1. Haha! Isn’t it obvious that I hate insta-love? :p And I completely agree with you, Rae! I think people often misconstrue love or, in the case of novels, are too lazy to build up the relationship between characters. Cop out writing in my opinion. -.-

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  13. I believe in it. But then my relationship is one that came from such a situation. I did not believe in it until after it happened and some time passed to realise what was going on 🙂
    When my dad first saw my mom he knew she was the one and wanted to talk to her.

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  14. I don’t know about love at first sight being a thing in real life, but I do know that love may not take as much time as we think. To form a strong bond with someone takes a different amount of time for everyone. It may take years for some or as little as a week or two for others. As in the case of my parents, they decided to get married after 2 weeks and they’ve been in a happy marriage for over 20 years. So love at first sight? Maybe not, but love in a fairly short amount of time is certainly possible.

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    1. Thank you for sharing, Kristen! I can attest to short romances as my brother and sis-in-law also had a very short dating time before moving in together and becoming engaged. I think it’s possible to know you are compatible with someone rather quickly. However, I don’t think it’s possible to know after sharing just a few words with someone, or none at all. You still need the opportunity to get to know the person beyond what you see on the outside, especially when looks don’t last forever. 😉

      P.s. Congrats on your parents’ marriage! That’s really awesome! ^.^

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    1. But I think the build up is what makes the story. After all, what is a story without character development? Sometimes those are the juicy parts of a story: the character interaction.

      And if you don’t want to take the time to write the characters, then love at first sight is just a cop out for writers.

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      1. A good series that doesn’t cop out is the Addicted to You series by Krista and Becca Ritchie. It’s a 10 book series and it’s great. I was at a loss after I finished them all. This is where the whole love at first sight things is thrown out. I lived and breathed those characters and watched them fall in love. It was great.

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