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Loch Ness Monster

The first reported sighting of the Loch Ness monster dates back to 565. People claim an Irish monk, Saint Columbo, repelled a massive water beast by making the sign of the cross and, “telling it to go away.” Isn’t that bad ass? I know monks aren’t usually seen as bad asses, but picture Samuel L. Jackson playing the monk. Super bad ass. Like, next level bad ass.
The Loch Ness Monster, or Nessie as way funner to call her, is the most popular of the cryptozoological creatures. Fun fact, cryptozoology isn’t just the hunt for fake creatures. It’s the act of proving the existence of entities from legend or creatures believed to be extinct. The komodo dragon is one of the biggest cryptozoological finds. It was once believed to be something from pehistoric times. People said they existed, but then the doubters were all like, “Whatever, Doug. Prove it.” So he did. But I’m way off track.


She’s been reportedly sighted dozens of times over the years, with no way to really prove one way or the other. The most well-known sighting of Nessie comes in the form of the Surgeon’s Photograph. It’s named that because it’s a photograph taken by a guy who was a doctor. The photo has since been criticized, scrutinized, disproved, and almost literally pissed on since it was taken back in 1934. It’s considered a hoax, but it’s an image that’s almost as famous as the legend herself.

So, what is she? Dragon? Sea Serpent? Dinosaur?

One theory is the thing that has been seen on occasion is a large invertebrate, which is essentially a worm. Just not the kind you take fishing. This kind it more like a centipede, and though they’re general too small to be considered a monster, there’s always the chance that there’s one so much larger than the others.
Another theory is that it’s some kind of long-necked newt. These little guys have the right look, but again, the scale is way off. 
One of the most popular theories is that Nessie is (or was) a surviving dinosaur called the Plesiosaur. It has all the classic traits “eye-witnesses” always give about Nessie. Large, long slender neck, long tale, and water based. The Loch Ness is so deep that it could never completely freeze. So even during the ice age, any creatures at the very bottom of the loch would have survived, as long as a food source survived along with them. 
I don’t think we’ll ever know what was really going on over in the rolling hills of Scotland. Something, for so many different people to claim they saw something, but what? I’m not sure what I believe. I’d love to believe she was real and that she was still there, but I don’t think that I do. If there was something there, someone would have found proof by now. 
Perhaps the perfect compromise is to believe there was something there, at some time, but whatever it was, it’s gone now. But hey, maybe it’ll show up again some day. And there’s always Nessie’s siblings, Ogopogo (British Columbia, Canada), Mokele-mbembe (Congo River Basin, Africa), and Champ (Lake Champlain, New York State/Vermont/Quebec).

J.W. Martin has been writing funny, fast-paced stories and content since before the era of flip-phones. The J.W. is for Joe and William. He only uses J.W. because it sounds way fancier than boring old, ‘Joe Maritn.’ He resides with his wife and children in a TARDIS somewhere in Canada.

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