MY LADY JANE
by Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows
Edward (long live the king) is the King of England. He’s also dying, which is inconvenient, as he’s only sixteen and he’d much rather be planning for his first kiss than considering who will inherit his crown…
Jane (reads too many books) is Edward’s cousin, and far more interested in books than romance. Unfortunately for Jane, Edward has arranged to marry her off to secure the line of succession. And there’s something a little odd about her intended…
Gifford (call him G) is a horse. That is, he’s an Eðian (eth-y-un, for the uninitiated). Every day at dawn he becomes a noble chestnut steed—but then he wakes at dusk with a mouthful of hay. It’s all very undignified.
The plot thickens as Edward, Jane, and G are drawn into a dangerous conspiracy. With the fate of the kingdom at stake, our heroes will have to engage in some conspiring of their own. But can they pull off their plan before it’s off with their heads?
The writing style of this story annoyed me for sooooo many reasons. Namely, the CONSTANT interjections by the damn narrator! Throughout the entire book there are these comments from the narrator (in parentheses) that yank me out of the story, are annoying beyond reason, and have no purpose other than to take away all suspense and interest from the reader! It’s beyond annoying! It’s infuriating!
The second reason this book was so annoying because of the god-awful lightheartedness with which it was written! This is about conspiracies of the royal court, but it has the tonality of an adorable, fluffy, (gag-worthy) contemporary. The gravity of the situations the characters are in are completely lacking in tension because of the way this was written in. What a waste.
God. Where do I even start with this particular comment other than to say: I hope they got full rights from the original creators of the material they used in this book because otherwise it’s referred to as stealing. And from whom did they use material, you ask? Let me start a list: Shakespeare, Monty Python’s Holy Grail, The Princess Bride, Alice in Wonderland. Are you serious? You have three authors working on this book and you can’t even come up with your OWN lines? And you have to use someone else’s very easily recognizable lines, at that?! Not only did they steal lines, but they also stole fundamental aspects from them and other movies, like Tangled. For crimeny sake’s, this is just pathetic. (And also very infuriating.)
Wait… What are we doing now?
At some point in the book, I wasn’t sure if I was reading a historical fantasy piece written by three authors or an awful piece of fanfiction written by a high school student. Why? Because of the randomness with which the plot would suddenly turn. OH! And the inaccuracies of travel time. Yes, yes. I get that this was an embellishment of the original history, but… does that also mean it’s allowed to forego all common, accepted believability of story telling? I don’t think so.
What is pacing?
This book is definitely one of those where the authors had no idea what pacing was and just tried to cram as much in as possible. Why? Because that’s literally how it reads. Everything happens SUPER fast with hardly any breathing room and yet the characters manage to progress and develop over the span of like… two weeks or some unlikely short amount of time. And the rushing got even worse towards the end. For being such a long book, I would have expected some semblance of pacing or… realism.
o.o Where do I even begin? 1) The acronym is totally a steal from The Princess Bride. 2) This whole section of the story is LITERAL garbage, has no purpose, and is so OBVIOUSLY a last second throw-in because there is NO WAY two boys with very little strength and wherewithall kill a bear ‘the size of the Cliffs of Dover’ in less than 3 pages. I call bullshit. 3) Really, though? What was the point of any of this scene? Just… no. Frying Pan
Really?! The frying pan?! You had to steal the frying pan from Tangled?! I just can’t even anymore with this shit. And don’t try to tell me that it wasn’t stolen from Tangled. What other story in the history of stories has thought frying pans would make good weapons. OH! And one of the male characters even uses the same to response to Jane using the frying pan as Flynn Ryder does in Tangled. GAH!!!