Why do so many books have women hating each other?
I’m sure we have all noticed this in both books and visual media. It’s the stereotype that women apparently can’t get along with each other. For whatever reason, all women in fiction hate each other. (Because women CLEARLY hate each other in real life. -.- ) This could mean that they physically fight (which is extremely unlikely and also not super common IRL) or it could mean that they verbally attack each other (way more common, especially among teenagers) or they just don’t talk to each other. Sometimes it’s so bad that the women literally find ways to fuck with the other women that they hate, which is how we get the concept of backstabbing (because you know they were besties first. >.>).
But why?
Why do women always have to hate women? I don’t know about you, but I have plenty of female friends whom I get along with just fine. And, more importantly, (because we gotta make sure we pass the Bechdel test) we don’t ONLY talk about dudes. In fact, I almost never talk about dudes with my friends. Why? Because I have a brain! I have a life! I am my own person and I’m not one of these stupid, vapid, doe-eyed teenagers we see in like EVERY YA EVER!
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Quite frankly, I don’t know why women historically hate other women in fiction. No doubt it has something to do with the fact that most fiction is written by dudes and all (straight) dudes would LOVE to have women fighting over them. Also, male writers did AND DO believe that women are dumb, lustful, and literally incapable of any form of intelligent thought other than: “He’s hot. I should still him before the other bitch because CLEARLY the other bitch wants him too. Who would EVER believe they could ‘just be friends?'” 😑
The fact of the matter is, women can be friends with each other. In fact, more often than not women are more likely to be friends with other women than they are men. Why? Dude… do you seriously not see the way society is divided from an early age? Are you blind?!
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Most societies divide girls and boys at a YOUNG AGE. They are forced into niches based on what they wear, what hobbies they have, how they mature, etc, etc. And while many people will fight this – because we likely ALL had friends of the other gender when we were young – they usually don’t last all that well when hormones kick in. Then society REALLY tries to separate us because ‘sex is bad’ and yadda yadda. Society literally breeds this massive distinction between men and women and yet society also constantly pushes that women can’t be friends with each other AND women can’t JUST BE FRIENDS with a dude.
So… women have no friends?
Literally that is the only answer here. If women are incapable of being just friends with men and incapable of being non-enemies with other women, then no WONDER there are so many damn cat ladies. Having a gazillion cats is literally the ONLY option. I mean, you could have a gazillion dogs, but then you’d spend all day taking them on walks and not being able to be a hermit. So that’s not gonna happen.
But what do you think?
Can women be friends with each other?
Leave your thoughts below!
And check out my discussion from last week:
“Foreign Languages in Fiction“
Melanie Noell Bernard 
I know what you mean, this also shows up in films too where I see this more. I guess for me the big question to ask here is this – Is this the writers perspective or the publishers? Sure if it’s self published no brainer but publishers throw in their own twopence worth to justify their existence. I’m not saying it’s right…
But also we’re told that in a story there is no story without conflict so the characters have to conflict with someone… I don’t know but I guess the message here of stay away from inaccurate and cheesy stereotypes needs to be broadcast. If for no other reason than to make a better or more original story.
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There are PLENTY of other options for conflict than 2 women fighting over a dude. If that’s the best a writer can come up with then I never want to read anything by that author because that’s just so boring and cliche. Good writers should be able to find points of conflict that doesn’t pit the only two women in the story against each other.
As for publishers… well, I think the Big 5 is full of crap. They pick lots of stereotypical garbage to publish that are also just repeats of other stories they’ve published. They only care about sales and what’s worked in the past will OBVIOUSLY sell in the future. 😡
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I’m with you… on both counts we need more originality.
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Girl on girl hate is awful. Why are male writers SO obsessed with that? Have they literally never seen women with other women friends? Ugh.
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Either they’ve never seen women with other friends or they are the crazy, control freaks who don’t let their wives have friends. Or don’t have wives because women shouldn’t put up with that BS.
But female authors do it, too! Plenty of YA novels have this garbage in them and I don’t understand why! Why do women not write female friendships in books? It doesn’t make sense!
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Damn Mel. I hate you for this topic 🔪💣
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😂😂😂 You hate me only for this topic?! Wow, you must have high tolerance. Most people hate me WAY before this. 😉
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Snort! That made my night 🤗🤣
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This, this, this!! Honestly i love ya but i absolutely hate the trope of girls hating on girls it is just so annoying, sexist and unrealistic! In a lot of the books i have read where i have found it a problem they have the popular b*tchy girl trope and the main character who is more of a wallflower doesn’t like the popular girl and it’s just so stupid and annoying and kinda damaging because obviously a lot of teens read these ya novels so you don’t want them thinking this is just the natural way of the world! Great post!
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Exactly! The character types are so blatant that it’s no wonder high school rivalries and bullying still exist. Fiction clearly isn’t doing a good enough job trying to teach people that’s wrong. And there are SO many other types of young girls out there that aren’t grade A bitches or wallflowers, but they are never really shown in these books. The MC is ALWAYS the outcast for NO reason.
The worst part is that a lot of these YA authors are WOMEN! They have to know better!
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Awesome discussion! It’s so irritating when I read YA’s written by men, and they portray the female characters as being incapable of conjuring up any thoughts that aren’t about the male sex.
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Ugh. Female writers do it, too. I want to hate on men because they started the trend, but women authors have picked that shit RIGHT UP and carried it on to modern times. I can think of quite a few authors who do this shit and it’s just sickening. Of all people, female authors should be promoting female friendships AND writing female characters with non-hormone raging brains! UGH!
And thank you! 🙂
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I hate it when I’m reading a young adult novel with girl on girl hate because of a guy. 😤
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Oh my gosh, right?! Like… are we such animals that all we can think about is sex to the point that all others of our own gender become challengers? Like, I know this exists, but teenagers have more important things to worry about than beating someone else to the ‘prize’ because that’s clearly all these women think the dude is when they fight over him.
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I agree with a lot of what you are saying! I think the whole women hating women thing is way over done especially in YA. Which why? young people so be reading way more about women supporting other women and strong female friendships! Although it is impossible to like everyone and yes some people hate other people why does this have to be exclusive to females hating females?
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Right? It really does feel like women hating women only in YA, which doesn’t make any sense since more YA is actually written by women. Why are women promoting such hateful toxic relationships? Have they never had female friends before? Have they no interest in teaching young girls what good friendships look like? Women don’t need a man! So stop fighting every other female in 100 miles over one. UGH!
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For like the last 2 years, I’ve read almost exclusively women writers, and when I pick up a book written by a man, it’s just so obvious. It’s like some of these writers have never met or spoken to another human person. It’s weird. Obviously, women can be friends with each other. I don’t understand why it’s stereotypical for women to be catty with each other. It’s so played out and not at all true to life.
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Right? I mean, I have met my fair share of bitchy women in my life. I’ve been snubbed, backstabbed, etc, etc. But I still have friends. I just dropped those bitches like yesterday’s trash and found people who actually like me because they DO EXIST! Yet writers make them seem like magical forest nymphs who are impossible to find. And men aren’t the only ones who do this. Plenty of female YA writers have picked up this stupid tradition and implemented it into their own writing. But WHY?! Why, as a woman, could you possibly write this garbage?! RAWR!
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