Note: It’s supernatural month! All discussions this month will be about supernatural creatures or worlds!
Vampires: Classic vs. Modern
Vampires are one of the most classic supernatural creatures. They’re so commonplace that readers, or even the general public (aka non-readers), know exactly what they are. Or at least they know the basic traits: pale, blood-sucking, undead creatures that stalk the night. So, they’re easily one of the most recognizable supernatural creatures despite what form they may come in. Even so, some people like to screw with the classic vampire to make it ‘their own.’ -.-
The classic vampire is the one everyone knows and understands. It’s a supernatural creature that needs no explanation, but I’ll throw out the details just so we’re on the same page. Classic vampires are undead creatures that drink the blood of humans to survive, and are immortal except they can be killed by sunlight and by being staked through the heart. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about all the ways writers have screwed them up in recent decades.
Classic vampires are a tried and true supernatural creature. They’re easily recognizable and have been proven to amass fans in large hordes across various medias(literature, film, art, etc.) As a result, they’re an easy thing to write about. Yet, for some reason, writers(for stories and film) seem to love to screw with the classical vampire. After all, everyone wants to be unique, right?
Hasn’t anyone ever heard not to mess with a good thing? If so, why do they constantly feel the need to change vampires? Why do they feel the need to mess with a classic and make it ‘their own’? Why don’t they just make their own dang creature?! Whatever the writers need for this monstrosity is, they do it and I’m here to discuss all the things wrong with that.
As we all know, vampires are creatures that drink the blood of humans to survive. They literally feed on humans, making them the apex predator. Making them the one thing humans should fear and yet… they don’t. For some ungodly reason, writers just love to make vampires ‘good’.
They want them to have a conscience. They want them to feel bad about drinking the blood of and killing humans. They want them to be… human. Well, guess what? Vampires aren’t human! At least not since they, you know, died and came back to not-life!
I mean, think about it. How many people do you know become friends with a cow or chicken or deer or whatever animal they generally eat? They don’t. Why? Because they eat them! Predators and prey don’t become friends. They don’t even interact unless it involves hunting or surviving. So, why should vampires be different?
Moving beyond friends
What’s worse than becoming friends with your food? Falling in love with your food. And, for some reason, this has become such a staple in the vampire world nowadays. Twilight. Vampire Diaries. I don’t know if this phenomenon was common back in the day, but sure is present in modern entertainment. And it’s garbage.
I understand the whole belief that ‘love is the most powerful thing’ and ‘love conquers all’, but that would mean we also have to believe in ‘love at first sight’. Why? Because vampires eat humans!
They’re only thought should be: ‘mm! That looks like a juicy piece of meat!‘
Not: ‘oh my gosh! He/She’s so pretty! I can’t him/her!‘
Yet for some reason the vampires don’t just eat the humans. The vampires stop and contemplate it and weigh the pros and cons and yadda yadda yadda. -.- Think about it, if you were hungry and there was a cow before you and you had the ability to kill it and eat it (and that was how things were done. You couldn’t pick up cow from the store.) Wouldn’t you eat it?
As if falling in love with prey weren’t bad enough, let’s follow the modern entertainment path to their next step: freakin’ procreation and hybrids. (The fact that this category exists just absolutely baffles me, but it needs to be talked about.) Why is this category here? Why am I talking about it? Because neither are possible!
Procreation isn’t possible for one main reason: vampires are dead! They have no blood. They have no functioning organs. They should, therefore, have no living eggs or sperm to come together and make babies. Even if a human were to somehow ‘mate’ with a vampire, there would still be no baby because one part of the pair is still dead! And no. In vitro fertilization doesn’t work either because there are no eggs and no sperm! (I especially don’t like procreation of vampires because it insists that vampires get to have a family and a happy ending. Screw that!)
As for human/vampire hybrids. Ha! Don’t make me laugh. The reason hybrids aren’t possible is because, again, vampires are dead and humans are alive. Now, I never read Vampire Academy. So, I don’t know what possible reasoning the author could give for these hybrids, but logically they can’t exist. Something cannot be both dead and alive.
I love vampires, truly, I do. However, I hate what writers have done to them. I want my classic, blood-thirsty, fear-inducing vampires back. How about you?
And check out last week’s discussion:
“Zombies: The Weakest Link“